In order to understand what self development is, I am exploring how to find the "self". If the self is a reflection but there is so much that we see and hear which are the bits that are "us"? The answer must be that at some level we are all one and connected to everything. Although we may be able to think that theorectically and momentarily feel the bliss of the idea, it is not very useful. It is too big a concept and the one that leads to religions. If our "self" or "soul" is only a part of spirit or the spiritual field that has condensed into us - what are the aspects of that? What are our characteristics? strengths and weaknesses? Our physical life reflects our inner life as we do what we do according to what we believe. Is who we are our behaviour? our personality? We can name the behaviour of other people we admire and the behaviour we dislike. Try it. Then observe that those are your characteristics too. Both the good and the not so good (our shadow selves). That is reflection. It is harder to accept our shadow side and yet this is most important aspect of finding our "self". That is because those are the behaviours that if we were conscious of our choice to be like that we could choose to be in a different way. If what we do depends on who we are being which depends on our beliefs, where do our beliefs come from?